Last year I was asked to give a talk in the Spanish branch on Mother's Day. Ever since Jamir and I had had our first miscarriage, I hated Mother's Day. I didn't like going to church and feeling like I shouldn't be there or get the carnation or whatever it was because I wasn't a real mom. I also felt judged a lot of the time because rarely did I talk about our situation and so people just thought we were being selfish by not having kids.
I guess something told me to share my story with the Spanish branch. I wrote it all out in Spanish because I didn't want it to be lost in translation. I told of how hard it was to go through miscarriages and feeling like I couldn't do what a woman is supposed to do. But I realized that there were other ways to use divine gifts of womenhood (I had become a devoted teacher to primary classes and such). At the end I found out an inactive member was listening who could not have kids. I was glad she was able to hear and not feel alone.
This year felt very surreal. I was extremely happy to have Ben. But I also spent most of the day thinking about those women who hope for children and cannot have them. Just last year I was wishing for baby and we found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant. I am grateful for that trial/blessing because now I can empathize and hopefully help other women who are struggling.
I took these pics after church last year and didn't know what to do with them. I'm glad I did, if just for the memory.
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| rhododendrons by our apartment. |
this year.
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| Jamir making snorting noises |
