Sunday, August 11, 2013

In Memory

This past Thursday marks a year since I had my first miscarriage. At least the surgery part. I don't really know which dates to actually remember; when I got pregnant, when I found out it was no longer viable, or when it actually left me, but I felt the surgery day was one of the hardest so we decided to release lanterns.  Two for both of them. I don't think anyone knows how hard it really is until they have experienced it themselves. I am not glad they happened, but I can see how the timing was off and how it has made me more resilient to deal with hard things. How people are unsympathetic and how life is not fair. I'm not bitter anymore, just more understanding of how things are. It will just make the next pregnancy that much sweeter. I am also happy for more time with just me and Jamir which I didn't realize how valuable that time is.

Also, on my walk during my break at work, I saw a butterfly. I know its kinda cheesy, but it let me get really close without flying away and I took it as a sign that Heavenly Father is aware of me and my babies in heaven.